More Examples of Strong Narrative Writing

The Tower of Babel

Retold From The Perspective Of One Of Its Builders

By Luke

... The next day I was having some eggs from the local farm. The eggs were a blackish burnt color because when I was cooking them I drifted off into another daydream of mine. As I was finishing my meal I heard a tappity tap tap on my front door. I saw through the window that it was Ravi, and I opened the door with a pretend smile on my face. 

“Good morning,” he said.

“Good morning,” I replied.

 

“I hope you are feeling better because we are starting construction and you have been assigned with builder management,” he said thoughtfully.

...

As the first set of supplies came in, we all started getting to work. By the end of the day the building process was looking good. The tower was about 20 meters tall. As I walked home through the dark with my miniature sized candle, it felt like it would take forever until we finished.

[Later in the story, after the tower has grown much taller...]

It was excruciatingly hot that day. It seemed like no one wanted to lift a muscle, even I didn’t, but work had to be done, hard work.

... But I noticed a problem when I was directing a group of transporters to where I wanted them to put the new supplies. They just looked at me, looked at each other, and then put the supplies in the opposite spot. I ran to them and started yelling at them. 

They didn’t say anything back but something that sounded like “hjhghfshkshg." 

This was a little suspicious because everyone speaks the same around here. Then I looked back at the tower and I saw that it was crumbling down to pieces.

“Everyone get out of the tower,” I screamed.

David The Giant Killer

Retold From The Perspective Of David

By Deija

... King Saul isn’t the man you would think he is. He is young, not that tall, and he isn’t buff, but you would think he is all of that. 

I reminded King Saul that I have protected my sheep from lions and bears with my slingshot.  At last he accepted what I had to say and gave me some armor for protection. 

But it was too big and clunky for me so I just took it off so I could move easily. 

I saw Goliath, and I will say he was very tall. But even though he was tall that didn’t mean anything to me, that didn’t mean I couldn’t take him down.

... When Goliath took the first move of battle I took that as a chance to run around and whip my slingshot. I took a rock and released it into the air. It looked like a cannonball aiming for its target, and it had its target. The rock landed straight in Goliath's forehead. Goliath fell down almost like a tree when it’s getting cut down. 

Goliath was unconscious, so I pulled the sword from its sheath and killed him. 

It all happened like the world went in slow motion for a minute, but when the slow motion stopped I believed. 

I actually killed Goliath! As a trophy I took Goliath’s head and armor for the triumphant Israelites. When I brought it back, everyone cheered and applauded. I actually did it. I actually defeated Goliath!

Joseph's Robe

Retold From The Perspective Of Shebna

By Joseph R.

... As I relit the fire, something caught my eye. I looked, and about a hundred paces away was a large group of young men. They appeared to be shepherds, wearing brown shaggy cloaks. I could hear them yelling, and I caught a few words. “Father…not so good…he won’t…your cloak!”

Then I saw another man leading a sheep towards the group of men. I saw a knife flash, and the sheep was dead. The men smeared the blood of the lamb on a vibrantly colored cloth. A few minutes later, the men walked away, though they appeared to be encircling someone in their midst.

As I led my camels away from my campground, I went over to look at the spot the men had encircled, and there was a large hole in the ground. I was confused about the meaning of this, and as I started the next segment of my journey, I eventually forgot about the event, but some weeks later, I realized this was the first of a series of events in the life of a young man named Joseph ...

Two days later, I led my camels into Gaza. 

I was thirsty and tired, so I booked a room to spend the night. I rested there for a while, then ventured into the forum, carrying a bag of idols, cloth, fur, and other material to sell ... As I made my way towards the main forum of the city, I heard a commotion in an alley. I looked into the alley, which was a long and narrow street, with a few windows high up, but mostly clean of any clutter, and saw two large boys, and a smaller boy. 

The larger boys swiftly turned when they heard me enter, and when the smaller boy saw me, I could see the fear on his face. He desperately said, “Please sir, help me!” 

He looked like he had been punched by the boys, and they were about to do it again.

I thought for a moment, indecision in my mind. I decided to help the younger boy. I turned on the larger boys, and when they saw the malice in my eyes, they quickly ran out of the alley. 

The younger boy hastily thanked me, then scampered off.

A Tale of Two Cities

Retold From The Perspective Of Lot's Wife

By Ansel

Maybe it is God doing all of this. Maybe the angels are just acting as messengers. But if that is the case why would God destroy all of the synagogues? The very places we worship him! 

I see no reason behind this, why God thinks that he can just come along and just destroy millions of his followers. People who have done nothing to him. 

I think the problem here is that God does not know what being mortal is like. He doesn't know what it is like to have people that you care about, friends, and family. The difficulties of being human. My grandmother died last month. He doesn't understand what it feels like to lose something that you really love. 

I open my eyes and I scrabble out of bed. I know what I must do. I am only a small quiet woman, but I am not letting this town die. I grab my coat and bound over to the door.

... 

I hear fire crackling in the distance, buildings falling, innocent people dying, the screams of loved ones. I imagine my cousins there in the chaos dying among others. Why had it been me who was saved? Twice for that matter. What does God see in me, all I am is some random person trying to have a good life for myself and my kids.

What would happen if I looked back? What could be worse than losing almost everything I know to be.

I let go of my daughter Lilly's hand. I pull my doll out of my pocket, take a long deep breath, and with one swift movement I spin on my heel.

What I see is horrifying. From afar I can see at least twenty dead bodies. Already half the city was gone, destroyed, there was no hope in any life. Why would God do this? I quickly realize that my sound has gone out and I can't move for the life of me. What happened?

The next thing I realize is that I am slowly drifting up, just as I was the first time my life was saved. I am now free of the cage of life. A pillar of salt remains where I once stood.